It’s a fact, this feckin menopause is never ending. It just keeps on giving, every now and again when I think I’ve settled into my new, rounder, bustier, hairier, heavier and greyer self something else happens that just leaves me shocked, yes shocked that mother nature could do this to women.
Sitting at my desk, being arty, as I am, I felt a prick in the centre of my chest.
‘oh my God I’ve been stung’ yes I said it out loud
Rummaging and fumbling down my blouse I discovered that the culprit was in-fact not a bee but my very own bra. The wire had wriggled out of the DD cup and stung me right in the middle of my chest.
As you’re all aware I do actually wear Industrial bras so this wire was an industrial under wire.
So I wriggled it out from my DD cup and held it up for closed examination, it was hard to believe that something so simple could actually hold my right boob in place.
Left it on my desk and worked away for a few minutes glancing at it occasionally, then it struck me. ‘That’d make a great hairband so it would’ I thought to meself.
So what does one do in situations like this, I’ll tell you what this one does, she (that’s me) pops it on her head like a hair band.
To my shock and horrification the DD wire fitted neatly on my head, which could mean only one thing, if the wire fitted on my head like a hairband then ‘Oh sweet mother of all that’s Holy’ …
Ran to the bathroom, yes I ran. Undid my blouse and braced myself for what I was about to do, brace yerselves too..
I undid the bra and placed the wireless DD cup on my head.. The feckin thing fit. It fit on my head. My boobs are the very same size as my poor head. Only there’s two of them.
There I stood, staring into the mirror and looking back at me was a middle aged woman with an industrial wireless bra on her head, while her boobs were trying to hide under her armpits for fear of seeing the reality of menopause, even my bellybutton got in on the act and seemed to be making an ‘OHHH’ expression.
The Joy of the Menopause My Arse