I know I’ve said it before but menopause was a complete surprise to me. Not the aging process but the symptoms, sweet mother of all that’s holy I had no idea there were so many symptoms.
I have shared with you over the years, probably over shared my symptoms and how my poor unfortunate body as changed. How my waist is missing in action, my boobs have taken on a life of their own and operate independently of me. Actually they have a whole life that doesn’t include me, I’m feeling left out. They’re having a great time without me.
This week I’ve discovered another symptom, it’s true there’s more, brace yerselves ladies. Menopause has stolen my ‘nouns’ all of my nouns have evaporated from my poor aging brain. I’ve looked everywhere and they’re gone. Hiding somewhere with my waist.
Fortunately or unfortunately they’ve been replaced with adjectives, ’tis a fact. I can tell you anything about anything just not the name. I can tell you the colour, the shape, the texture I just can’t tell you what the hell I’m talking about.
I don’t know when exactly menopause stole all my nouns but I’ve only just noticed my family go through this ritual with me sometimes. Dinner for example, a simple family dinner.
‘pass me the ahh the ahh..’ so there I am pointing frantically
‘the brown liquid thing’ still pointing frantically at the gravy
At this stage they’re grinning and my frustration is growing
So I change tactics, I’m going for the salt.
‘Pass me the ahhhh the ahhh .. the white stuff .. the white grainy stuff’
I am pathetic and nounless.
Now that I’ve had no gravy or salt on any of meals I decided it might be a good time to weigh myself, this is an unpleasant task at any time but during menopause it’s very feckin annoying.
My weighing scales has also lost it’s nouns, now it simply describes me as ‘flabby’ ‘corpulent’ ‘menopausal’
My weighing scales in now in a cupboard until it has something nice to say to me, that’s where it’s staying.
Oh the joy of menopause