The Joy of Saying No

Small,  simple word, but why in the name of all that’s holy is it so hard for us to say. What’s even more frustrating, to me at least, is how some people have no problem at all saying it.

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Like most women I have trouble with the word, I’m not entirely sure what it is about it. I’m not a particularly the sort of woman who likes to please people. I used to, but middle age taught me that not everyone will like you, sometimes even yourself, but age has brought me wisdom and a realisation that it’s ok for people not to like me, God knows there’s so many people out there that I don’t like. So I don’t say ‘yes’ for people to like me.

The truth is, now tell nobody ladies, but I  have been known to hide in supermarkets to avoid people I know shopping. I’ve been know to rummage in my handbag to avoid eye contact with people, only to get caught in the car park and then having to lie and pretend I  didn’t see them.

I have a friend, one of my meno crew, who always said no when she didn’t want to go somewhere or do something. She would respond ‘shur it doesn’t suit today’ or whatever. She was never rude or explained why it ‘it didn’t suit’ and why should she.

I on the other hand, if I dared to utter the word ‘No’ would come up with some convoluted story as to why I couldn’t go somewhere or do something. It took me years to say ‘no’ and not offer an excuse. To my absolute amazement, nobody asked for an explanation as to why I said ‘no’ nobody else seemed bothered  by my ‘no’s’ I can’t believe that I spent years creeping around supermarkets avoiding phone calls just in case I had to say ‘no’ .

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So Ladies today I have some Tips for you to get to grips with saying ‘NO’

Refusal is not rejection, I need you to remember that, if someone says No it’s because they don’t want to do something, they’re not rejecting you, it’s about them and not you.

Smile and shake your head.

Don’t go on and on about why you can’t so something.

Be polite but firm, you don’t owe anyone an explanation

If you’re feeling guilty, and you shouldn’t, you could offer an alternative

You can say ‘No’ twice if you have to

You could just say ‘It doesn’t suit’

Never, say sorry for saying ‘No’

For me saying ‘No’ was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it was amazing, really it was. It was like decluttering for me, of course I say yes, when I want to, but I also say ‘No’ when I want to.

The Joy of saying No


  1. I love this post as I,too, in my “wiser years” am learning to say NO more often without all the explanations and guilt. It’s a process but I’m getting better at it..thanks for the insight and tips!

    1. No thank you for reading my ramblings..
      There are advantages to getting a little older..

  2. I agree, it does get easier. I will usually say something like “no, sorry, but thanks for asking” …. I shouldn’t apologize, but it’s almost a knee-jerk response for me. One other thing to work on, I guess.

    1. It’s taken me years to actually say No and it feels great doesn’t it..
      Thanks for reading..

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