It’s not so much the joy, it’s more the ridiciliousness of it. I just don’t get it. I really don’t.
I live in Ireland, a western European Island, a damp almost always chilly little island, where one, in my humble opinion, needs to wear clothes. However it seems that some in these here parts are not of the same opinion. Actually in these here parts I’m including Wales, it’s just across the water and has the same climate as we have here.
A recent documentary on ‘Naturalists’ yes that’s what nudists call themselves now, aired on CH4 and guess who watched it. Indeed there’s no fooling you lot. I did, I watched and decided to report back, I wasn’t the better of it let me tell you, but I struggled on.
Firstly why are nudist always older people, why are they never in their twenties or even forties. No, they’re all in their seventies and then a bit. So as I took to my sofa on your behalf I braced myself to see some old dears in a sunny resort somewhere, Oh how wrong could I be.
It started in Wales, a Welsh mountain actually. There they were hand in hand frolicking up a Welsh mountain in the drizzle, buck bloody naked. They were, as I predicted an older couple, he was easily in his seventies and she maybe seventy.
The cold was obviously effecting him as his willie had refused to make an appearance, on the other hand his partner a slightly rounded lady whose breasts fell like curtains either side of her rather large belly and her nipples tried to find some cover in some of the rolls of fat around her waist came to rest on her hip bones.
This was not something I particularly wanted to see, but I was gripped, I couldn’t look away.
The interviewer, who I can only assume was wearing North Face winter gear, asked them inane questions.
‘Do you feel less inhibited by being naked’
‘God created us naked, I’m not sure he intended us to wear clothes’ shrunken willie naked man responded.
WHAT.. What.. I wasn’t hearing this correctly, God didn’t intend for us to wear clothes, I’m convinced the sheep not a metre away from them had a shocked expression on their faces, well they did have at least 20cms of wool to protect them from the cold Welsh drizzle.
‘I see’ reporter
‘You see we’re at one with nature here’ shrunken willie naked man
He was using one of those condescending tones that implies everyone else is a moron and he’s obviously of a superior intellect.
Which of course is a load of codswallop, otherwise he’d be dressed while up a Welsh mountain in the middle October.
Now please understand I have nothing against nudists or naturalists, I simply don’t understand it. It’s something that I’m uncomfortable with myself. Also as a mature lady I find myself asking questions of nudists, for example, I now wear glasses, if I were a nudist how would I clean my glasses. You may laugh, but seriously I clean my glasses all day in my scarf of tee shirt. I’d have to spend the day with grubby or smeared glasses if I were a nudist. I’d be a blind nudist.
If nudists came to visit my home, I’d have to invest in Leather furniture, something I could clean, wipe down easily, I’d have to invest in leather wipes. The whole nudist thing is a social nightmare for me.
The truth is I’m having this dilemma because of Ch4’s bloody documentary, it wasn’t something I’d thought about at all. But having watched it, for reasearch purposes of course. My conclusion is if you’re a nudist, you should not be up a Welsh mountain in October, you should be on a beach in southern California, or just somewhere warm.
The Jop of being a Nudist or maybe not