The Joy of a Good Vibrator

Bet that got your attention. Least there be any confusion I shall not be doing any reviews of Vibrators or Adult shops in the greater Dublin area. Nor will I be reviewing online AdultToyorUs.com or HankyPanky.com I don’t even know if  they’re real online stores but feel free to check them out.  I think they’d be good names for Adult  online stores.

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Regularly I get articles in my feed that wordpress think might be of interest to me, they’re not always but sometimes a headline will catch my attention. This happened quite recently, last Saturday to be exact, in bed with an iPad the headline shouted ‘EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE A GOOD VIBRATOR ON HER BEDSIDE TABLE’ really every woman. So being the curious sort I read on.  I felt I need to research this for us ladies.

It turned out to be rather a serious article with lots of fact and figures from various institutions from across the world, but mostly the States. Now I’ve decided to summarise it for you, because you may find the facts just got a tad boring, I know I did.

It was one of those Prof Harry Higginbottom of God knows what or who cares university claims that 89% of women in Florida and 78% of women Iowa are in the procession of a vibrator. There were no statistics for the greater Dublin area or Ireland for that matter.

Women of all ages should be in procession of a good vibrator, it seems we don’t need men to satisfy us sexually. Well let’s be honest sometimes they make it interesting. But if what she says is true then surly it means men don’t need women either, as it turns out nature has provided them with their very own vibrators, left hand, right hand they start at an early age, I understand that teenage boys have mastered the art of self-satisfaction.

So Saturday night 10pm iPad on lap in bed, reading glasses perched on my nose I glanced over to my bedside table. There was no vibrator. There was an assortment of medications, menopausal stuff, asthma pumps all piled up neatly. Then of course was the photos of children at various times in their lives. But no vibrator, not a rubber Willie or phallic shaped ornament.

Was my life truly boring, did 78% of women in Iowa prefer vibrators. Were their lives more fulfilled because they had vibrators on their bedside tables.  I don’t know any women in Iowa to ask.

So I thought I’d ask some of my ‘Mono Crew’ yeah you read that right I’ve got a Mono Crew, ladies of a similar age enduring the menopause together. It would appear that not one of us has a vibrator on our bedside tables. In fact the mention of vibrator to the ‘mono crew’ coffee morning resulted in eye rolling and some awkward giggling, yes, we too giggle at awkwardness.

Instead we talked of our symptoms and solutions our almost weekly visits to our doctors asking them to ease our symptoms without the use of HRT or Vibrators for that matter.

‘My doctor says I’m to stop blaming everything on the menopause’ I offered, cause I was getting nowhere with the discussion on Iowa women or Vibrators.

‘What ya mean everything’ mono crew member asked

‘Lookit’ sez I was all ready with me long explanation like..

‘I thought menopause was a few night sweats and some hot flushes, nobody and I mean NOBODY told me about the hair  growth migration, the aches and pains all over my poor waistless body, yeah my waist is still missing, the shock of sudden flatulence or the exhaustion.

They all nodded politely and agreed.

‘Twas a bit of a shock alright’ one crew member offered

‘The pain in my right foot has me limping’ sez I .. Nods of sympathy from the crew.

‘I called the surgery so I did’ I was on another rant.

‘For what’ concerned crew member enquired

‘I called up that young wan on the reception desk and told her I needed a prescription for Industrial strength HRT’

‘industrial strength’  responded young receptionist and I swear to god she was laughing at me!!

‘Ah Yeah .. Industrial Strength’

‘I’m not sure we’re licensed for industrial Strength’ that’s what she sez to me, all cocky like.

‘I’ll come in and see the doctor myself’

‘AND’ crew member

‘Oh she sent me for an x-ray seems I’ve got a bit of arthritis in my right foot’

‘So it was nothing at all to do with menopause’ crew member

‘Naw seems not, told me to stop blaming everything on menopause’ I was deflated

Pushed our cups into the middle of the table indicating we were finished and waited for the waitress to come and collect them before we headed back to offices, or in my case dragging my right leg around a building site where half of the young blokes were not at all sure if I was female or male. I like to keep an air of mystery about myself.

‘I’ve got one in the draw’ crew member

‘One what’ another crew member

‘Vibrator’ grinning crew member

‘And it’s fucking AMAZING’ still grinning crew member

The Joy of a good Vibrator.

..details will follow of vibrator and crew member ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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