Ladies for those of you in the throes of menopause you’ll be all too familiar with the weight gain, the night sweats and the hourly hot flushes. I fear I may actually be the cause of global warming, just me all on my own. I’m damp all the time, I think I may actually be moulding.
I am very familiar with those red lines left by my, just slightly tight jeans, on my Buddha belly, when it’s released from it confines, these red lines sit there for hours taunting me. The fact is, small children and animals find comfort in my Buddha belly, they treat it like a human cushion.
So as I’ve mentioned before I’ve discovered the joy of stretchy jeans and the agony of ‘support’ undergarments, they are instruments of pure torture and should be treated as such, they should come with a health warning. I refuse to wear them.
Having recently visited my doctor she informed me that menopause and it’s symptoms lasted around five years. Five years. it’s like a prison sentence, five bloody years walking around with a small towel, wipes, deodorant and a tweezers in my handbag bag. A good sturdy tweezers for those chin hairs that seem to grow quicker than any other hair on my body. The chin hair is the Olympic gold medal of hair growing. they can and do grow an inch overnight.
Well with five years of being a larger dress size I simply needed to get on and get myself a ‘flexible and stretchy’ wardrobe.
So with several pairs of stretchy jeans and stretchy frocks all I now needed to do was to tart them up. Some belts and scarves I could do this. With the help of YouTube I’ll be dressing like a fashionista in no time at all.
Fired up YouTube only to be faced by a fresh-faced ‘skinny young wan’ in a shift frock, her exposed arms were perfectly toned, unlike mine which flapped about like flags as soon as I moved my arms.
‘There’s a secret to dressing well and dressing for your age’ she beamed at me.
Oh here we go again I though to myself. ‘the capsule wardrobe for every woman’
Just as I was about to switch her off she said the most amazing thing. Amazingly simple that is.
‘Buy your correct size’ that’s all she said. There was one of those pregnant pauses so her audience could absorb this vital information.
I got it, I really did, I’m a size 12 and that’s what I need to buy, this young woman was a bloody genius. or maybe just common sense prevailed.
Well I watched in awe as she paraded around in a shift frock with a scarf, then a jacket, then a thin narrow belt. It seems thin belts are the way to go on shift frocks. All jeans must be worn with belt and every wardrobe, regardless of age or size must contain at least two white crisp shirts.
I too wanted to be as sophisticated as this young wan, I too wanted a capsule wardrobe that was chic.
So I hit a local boutique in Clontarf where I knew a capsule wardrobe was waiting for me. I too could be transformed.
‘I need some white shirts’ I declared
’12’ I said it proudly
Crisp white shirts were produced and I disappeared into the changing room to start my transformation.
‘How are you getting on in there’
I swished back the curtain and reveled myself to my very attentive shop assistant. The shirt was magnificent in its whiteness, I shone like a star. Everyone should have white shirts in their capsule wardrobe.
Then shop assistant came into her own, she rolled up my sleeves, fetched some bangles and angled my collar. The shirt looked different, I looked different.
I tried on several dresses, deciding on comfort over anything else, I wasn’t about to spend all day in a dress or anything else and not feel comfy.
There I stood in a beautiful green shift frock and felt rather good.
‘Do you have a thin belt I could try with this’ I was buoyed with confidence after my encounter with my fashionista on YouTube.
A thin gold belt arrived and with confidence I pulled it around my waist, or where my waist used to be. It felt a little tight so I took a breath in fastened it in the first hole. Then my whole world came crashing down, as I took a breath out the gold belt was enveloped into my Buddha belly, it just disappeared in there. seriously unless I was breathing in you couldn’t see the belt.
I arrived home with my capsule wardrobe minus a thin gold belt.
The Joy of a Stretchy waistband..